


To Thine Own Self Be True

by ladylapislazuli



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Childhood Memories, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 16:21:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21830779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladylapislazuli/pseuds/ladylapislazuli
Summary: Be yourself, Glenn tells him. If Dimitri wants to make Felix happy, all he must do is be himself.Through the years, Dimitri tries.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 26
Kudos: 465
Collections: 2019 Dimilix Holiday Exchange





	To Thine Own Self Be True

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE NOTE: This fic contains references to canonical character death.
> 
> Written for the prompt: "a tiny dimitri asking glenn for advice on how to make tiny felix happy. because felix always starts bawling when he knows he has to go back to fraldarius and leave dimitri in fhirdiad, and dimitri can't stand it when he does."

They are seven years old, and Felix is crying again.

Dimitri lowers the ball mid-throw. They are just playing. But he hears a sniffle. Sees Felix scrubbing at his eyes, tears tracking down his cheeks.

“Come on, Felix. Catch!” Dimitri throws the ball, trying to keep the game going. Felix makes no attempt to catch it. It hits him right in the stomach and rolls away.

And Felix cries. For real now. His face goes all red and big fat tears stream down his cheeks. He presses his hands to his face and his entire body is shaking.

The ball rolls away, but Dimitri makes no attempt to collect it. Stands in the courtyard, staring at his best friend. Felix sobs, and Dimitri’s own throat feels funny, his chest painfully tight.

Dimitri hates it when Felix cries.

“I d-don’t w-w-wanna go,” Felix says, in between heaving sobs.

“We will see each other soon,” Dimitri says. That is what Father says, anyway, because two months is _so long _as far as Dimitri is concerned.

It does not comfort Felix. He just cries, and Dimitri can feel his own eyes welling up in response. Takes a breath of his own, forcing down the burning.

Dimitri is not supposed to cry. Dimitri is a prince, and Father told him so. _No tears, son_, his father says whenever Dimitri is about to, and Dimitri swallows them down and raises his chin like a prince should, and Father pats him on the head and says _good boy_.

“No tears, Felix,” Dimitri says.

For a moment, Felix stops. Looks at Dimitri with surprise written all over his face, and Dimitri thinks he has done it. He has gotten Felix to stop crying.

Then Felix throws back his head and _howls_. He turns and runs in the direction of the palace, howling all the way, and all Dimitri can do is stare after him.

They were just playing catch. They were having _fun_. Felix is leaving tomorrow morning, so they were fitting in as many games as they could before Felix has to go. Then Felix started crying mid-game for no reason and now they are going to run out of time and it will be _two months_ before they get to play again.

Dimitri picks up his ball. Glares in the direction Felix ran and stomps off in the other direction towards his room. It is not _his_ fault that Felix is a cry-baby.

It is a mean thought. Felix hates being called a cry-baby, and Dimitri feels guilty even for thinking it. He remembers the sight of Felix’s crying face, remembers that Felix will be gone tomorrow, and his own bottom lip wobbles.

“Your Highness? Where’s Felix?”

It is Glenn. The sight of him stops Dimitri’s wobbling lip immediately, because the last thing he wants is for _Glenn_ to see him upset. Glenn is a few years older, and he is taller, and he can climb any tree _and_ beat Dimitri at sparring. When Dimitri is ten, he wants to be exactly like Glenn.

“He ran off,” Dimitri tells him. He looks down at the ball in his hands. Feels a pang of nerves asking _Glenn_, but gathers his courage. “Do you – do you want to play?”

Glenn shrugs. His shirt is untucked and his hair is untidy, but Glenn does not care if he gets in trouble. Glenn is unflappable. “Sure.”

Playing with Glenn is the best. He can catch _anything_, and he throws so much harder than Felix and never once misses, and he has the brilliant idea to throw the ball at the apple tree instead and see who can knock the most apples off.

Glenn wins every time, but Dimitri expects no less.

It is fun. It is the most _amazing_ fun, to get to play with Glenn, who is older and good at everything and usually plays with older children. But…

Felix ran off crying. On their last day together, he ran off crying. And amazing as playing with Glenn is, this would be even _more_ fun if Felix were here too. Glenn is the best, but Felix is Dimitri’s best friend.

He really, really hates it when Felix cries.

“Glenn…”

“Mm?” Glenn’s mouth is full of apple. He sits in the apple tree, far higher than Dimitri can climb.

“How do I… how do I get Felix to stop crying?” Dimitri dangles his legs over the edge of his own, lower branch. Swings them, watching his feet.

“What happened?”

“I don’t _know_. He just… we were playing, and then he started crying about leaving tomorrow, and I _told_ him not to cry but he just kept doing it and then he ran away.”

Dimitri’s throat feels tight. He swallows. Grabs an apple and takes a bite, trying to force the feeling down.

Glenn is quiet for a moment. Dimitri wonders if he will say Felix should not cry, like Dimitri’s father does.

Instead, Glenn says, “He’s just sad. He misses you when we go home.”

“I miss him too, but _I_ am not crying.”

“No, but… Felix _really_ misses you.”

Dimitri swallows his apple. Looks down at the ground.

“He can’t help crying when he’s sad,” Glenn says. He really is the best older brother, even if he teases Felix sometimes and never shares his sweets.

“Father always tells me not to.”

“Yeah, but – it’s Felix,” Glenn says, as though that explains everything. It makes no sense to Dimitri, but this is _Glenn_ after all. Glenn knows everything. He does not want Glenn to think him too little to play with just because he does not understand.

“How can I make him happy, then?”

Glenn munches his apple. Considers. “Just… be yourself, I guess. You’re Felix’s favourite. Forget what your father says, and do what you wanna. Who cares what he thinks, anyway?”

Dimitri stares up at Glenn with his mouth open. Glenn takes another bite of his apple, so casual and _rebellious_. Dimitri has never been so impressed and appalled at the same time.

Felix cries again the next morning. He will not look at Dimitri, his head bowed as he scrubs his hands over his face every few moments to wipe the tears away. Felix’s father’s hand is on his shoulder, but he does not tell Felix not to cry. He is too busy talking to Dimitri’s father.

“Goodbye, Felix,” Dimitri says.

Felix does not even reply. Just sobs and scrubs at his face again.

Dimitri looks up at his father, tall and strong. Looks at Glenn, who is everything Dimitri wants to be when he is older. _Be yourself_, Glenn said. His heart in his throat, Dimitri gives it a try.

Moving carefully, trying not to attract his father’s attention, he steps forward. He wraps his arms around Felix, and after a moment Felix hugs him back. It is very wet. Very snotty, and Dimitri can feel Felix’s tears dripping onto his _skin_, which is gross.

But he holds on. Squeezes him as tight as he dares, and says, “I will miss you.”

Felix sobs. “I don’t wanna go.”

Dimitri’s eyes burn. _Be yourself_. Don’t be stoic and strong and princely. Just be himself. “I don’t want you to go either. I wish you could stay forever.”

Felix nods. He rubs his wet face along Dimitri’s neck, sticky, but Dimitri does not mind.

“We’ll still be best friends?”

“Of course! Always.”

“All right, boys, time to go.”

Dimitri’s father puts a hand on his shoulder. Dimitri steps back, and he worries that Glenn’s advice has made things _worse_. But…

Felix has stopped crying. Is smiling at him with his red, tear-streaked face.

“See you soon?” Felix says.

“As soon as possible.”

\- - -

Glenn really does know everything.

It _works_. Every time Felix cries, Dimitri gets better at it. Glances around to make sure no one is looking, then does whatever _he_ thinks he should do.

_Be strong. Show no fear. No tears. Act like a gentleman._ These are all things Dimitri’s father teaches him, and Dimitri is good at them. He is a fine prince, his father says so. It makes _Father_ happy.

But making Felix happy is different. Sometimes Dimitri hugs Felix when he cries. Sometimes he gives him the bigger slice of pie. Sometimes he lets Felix win a game on purpose, because Felix cries when he gets frustrated as well as when he is sad.

Dimitri can make Father and Felix happy at the same time. Follow Father’s word to the letter, but be himself for Felix’s sake. He can ignore his Father’s instructions while simultaneously being a good boy and doing as he is told. A rebel like Glenn, but without getting in trouble for it.

Glenn is a genius.

It is a magic all of its own. The thing that makes Felix happy is Dimitri just being _Dimitri_. Forgetting about etiquette and formality and his duties as a prince and just being himself. Rolling in mud and snorting water out of his nose and shoving food into his mouth without caring about getting sauce and icing and jam all over his hands.

When Felix cries, Dimitri knows what to do. He does not say _no tears_. He tells Felix what he is feeling too, and somehow, it makes Felix happy again.

_Be yourself_. It is the best advice anyone has ever given him.

\- - -

The magic dies at the Tragedy of Duscur. Dies with Glenn, and Dimitri’s father, and all of the innocent people slaughtered.

It dies when Felix sees what lies buried deep within Dimitri. When Felix sees what Dimitri really, truly is.

They are dark days. A stark contrast to the innocence of their youth. Their friendship is shattered, and Felix hates him as Dimitri never knew Felix could hate.

“I know what you are,” Felix snarls. “You’re not fooling me.”

The war happens. Five long years in exile. Madness, revenge, grief.

Somehow they come out the other side.

Dimitri is saner. Himself again, perhaps more himself than he has ever been, for at last he has made peace with his duality. He is both king and killer, monster and man – himself, always himself.

It does not make Felix happy.

“Which is your true face?” Felix asks him. “The animal’s, or the man’s?”

Felix does not understand. Cannot, perhaps. But Felix stays.

A new age dawns, and Felix sits at Dimitri’s right hand. At Dimitri’s side again. Working with him to rebuild their war-torn lands, to take control of a kingdom far larger than Dimitri was ever raised to rule. Three countries crowded into one, all under his command.

Dimitri will never be as he was when he was a boy. That youthful innocence is long gone. But in its place comes compassion, justice, wisdom. He learns to move on, to look to the future, and to lift his people up with him.

He feels joy again. Remembers fun, and laughter, and play. These have always been part of him, buried but never erased, and moment by moment, day by day, Dimitri is himself.

For so many years, it does not make Felix happy.

On a fine summer’s day, they sit in the shade of an apple tree. No ball to play with, just quiet conversation. Comfortable and familiar, for they have known each other for so long. Have seen each other through the best and worst years of their lives. Know each other in their entirety.

And for the first time in a long time, Felix smiles at him.

\- - -

It is years since the war ended. Ten years, to be precise. Ten years of rebuilding a continent utterly destroyed, as scarred and hollow as the empty space where Dimitri’s eye used to be. Ten years of transforming three angry, grief-stricken, traumatised countries into one. Guiding them, leading them, building something new. It takes time.

Felix stays, all these years. And to Dimitri’s surprise, they build something new too.

Felix is his right hand, his key advisor, his friend. Not his _best_ friend, not anymore, but it does not grieve Dimitri as it used to. Felix is something different. Something different entirely.

“I’ve held the lords off for as long as I can,” Felix says.

They are in Dimitri’s office. Felix paces by the fireplace, his brow furrowed in thought. His hair is long. Dark as it is, still young as Felix may be, it is already showing streaks of grey. Years of battle and the stress of helping to govern a kingdom taking their toll.

Felix scrubs a hand over his face. “You’re going to have to take a wife, Dimitri.”

He sounds annoyed. He always does, but Dimitri knows him. Senses the disturbance hiding beneath Felix’s proud face. Felix’s hands twist in an unconscious motion in front of him, and there is a distinct downturn to his lips.

Felix does not cry. Never cries, not anymore. That does not mean Dimitri cannot tell he is unhappy.

“You want me to marry?” Dimitri asks.

Felix whirls on him. His eyes narrow in anger. “Don’t put this on me. I’m not responsible for your stupid council. You argue with them and see how far you get. They _insist_ that you marry.”

“Hm.”

“That’s all you’ve got to say? _Hm_?”

Felix is all but shouting at him by now. His hands balled into fists, his shoulders tense. Unhappy, as he has been since the lords started pressing for this. Unhappy, as he has been since the pressure for Dimitri to marry grew and grew. Unhappy, as he has been since the lords first broached the idea of Dimitri marrying at all.

Dimitri has refused for a long time. But as the years have passed, Dimitri’s insistence that he focus on rebuilding his kingdom first has held less and less weight with his council, for Dimitri has a duty. A duty passed down and impressed upon him by his father. A duty he accepts solemnly, honourably, even gladly. King first. Man second.

“_Hm_. Thank the Goddess we have a king who’s so eloquent,” Felix says. Sarcastic. As sarcastic and rebellious as Glenn was, sometimes. Like him in some ways, and in others not at all.

Dimitri stands.

He has thought about this. Thought about it long and hard. He has spent a large portion of his life making Felix unhappy. A large portion of his life doing what is expected of him, doing what he must rather than what he wants to do.

He _must_ marry, he knows this. There will be no peace until he does. It is a duty like any other.

But he remembers Glenn. Remembers the rebellion Glenn taught him, far smaller than the rebellions of Glenn or Felix themselves. A rebellion that exists in following his father’s instructions to the letter, yet stepping around them all the same. Dimitri’s father bid him not to cry, so Dimitri did not. But he did not tell Felix the same. Reached out for him instead, because that was what Dimitri wanted, what was true to him. Obedience and defiance all in one.

Dimitri must marry, because that is his duty. He must obey the wishes of his council and his people. The king must have a consort. But Dimitri – Dimitri would like a partner. He would like a love.

Maybe, just maybe, he can do both.

Dimitri stands. Moves to the fireside by Felix. “I do not see why I must take a wife.”

Felix stares at him. There is a tic in his jaw. “Have you listened to a word I’ve been saying?”

“Of course.”

“Then _what-_”

Dimitri catches Felix’s jabbing hand. Catches it, holds it to his chest. Felix stares at him, stunned into silence, for this is not something they do, not something they have ever done.

Dimitri takes one breath, then another. Steadies himself.

_Be yourself_, he remembers. Himself, in his entirety, vulnerable and open and terrified. Voicing the last piece of himself he has kept hidden, the last secret that Felix does not know.

“I… Felix.” Dimitri takes Felix’s hand in both of his, and Felix is silent. Utterly silent. “Please, give me leave to speak my mind. I know things have not always been easy between us. I know our history, and I understand if… I am too sudden, and please understand that I expect nothing of you. We have never spoken of this, but I… I would marry you, if you would have me.”

He dares a look at Felix’s face. Shocked. Frozen. Unresponsive one way or the other. Neither yes nor no.

But this is the last chance, the last test. _Be yourself_, Glenn said. It worked, then it stopped - but Dimitri believes in second chances. Has lived his own, both with Felix and his people. He will try Glenn's wisdom, one last time.

“I adore you,” he says. His voice cracks. “If you do not return my affections I shall never speak so again, but… I love you. If you cannot – if you do not want me, I understand, but-”

A tear traces down Felix’s white face. A single tear. Felix shudders a breath, and Dimitri’s own heart goes cold.

Slowly, he releases Felix’s hand. It is hard to breathe. Hard to think. It has been years since Felix cried, but he cries now. Proud, stubborn, ever-sarcastic Felix, who did not cry even when they buried his father. Dimitri has made him cry.

Glenn’s magic, then, is well and truly gone.

Felix, still wearing that stunned look, touches a hand to his own cheek. Pulls it away, staring at the moisture on his fingers.

Dimitri gathers himself. Pulls out his handkerchief. Offers it to him, and Felix stares at his hand. He smacks Dimitri away from him, which is all the answer Dimitri needs, but then he -

Felix steps forward. Wraps his arms around Dimitri’s shoulders, embracing him so hard it is almost painful. He presses his face to Dimitri’s neck, and Dimitri feels the wetness of Felix’s tears. Familiar, for all the years that have passed. He feels Felix shake in his arms, as he has not since they were so very, very young.

Dimitri holds him. Holds him tight, for if this is his only chance he will make the most of it. He cradles the back of Felix’s head, and holds him as close as he can.

When Felix pulls back, he scrubs at his face. Red and puffy and mortified.

“I can’t believe you tell me this _now_,” Felix snaps, though it lacks his usual venom. “I had a-a list of spouses picked out and everything.”

Dimitri watches him. It is not _no_. Hope blooms in his chest. “Is that… Felix?”

Felix opens his mouth. Gulps in air, and Dimitri waits for an acerbic remark that does not come. 

Felix cannot speak. But he holds Dimitri’s gaze. Nods. Huffs out a laugh, another tear slipping down his cheek as he reaches for Dimitri again, goes willingly into his arms.

It is a yes. A _yes_.

Hours later, Felix will _really_ get mad. Will snap and snarl about all the work he has done and the lords he has fended off on Dimitri’s behalf. He will demand to know what _took_ Dimitri so damn long. Ten years of silence only for Dimitri to spring a sudden proposal on him. And why didn’t Dimitri say anything _sooner_ because Felix thought – he thought Dimitri did not –

That will come later. For now, Felix lets Dimitri kiss him for the first time, soft and slow. Lets Dimitri pull him into his arms again.

Dimitri is himself. And for the first time in a long time, it makes Felix really, truly happy.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm @ladylapisxx on Twitter, come say hi! :D


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